Fond Flannel Memories

Dontcha just love flannel shirts? Such fond memories attached to them. The nineties. Grunge rock. Purposely messy hair. Torn jeans. Skipping class. Smoking in the girls room.

Me and my friends pretty much wore a flannel shirt every day of the week. We even wore them in the summer. There was just no containing the mighty breadth of our alternative rock coolness.

But alas, those days are gone. Nowadays people wear flannels simply to keep themselves warm. And it works too. Go figure.

They're no longer the Seattle-based, alternagrunge, burnout teenage fashion statement they once were, but seriously, that's a good thing. They're flannels and they're warm and that's good enough for me.

Get yourself some toasty warm flannel shirts at ArmyNavyShop.com.

Slingshot Summer Fun

It's summer and there's nothing left to watch on TV. So we must, GASP, amuse ourselves. A tall order indeed. The easiest way to amuse ourselves is with food and violence. Never fails. While we can't really help you in the food department, other than to say McDonald's is unhealthy, slingshots and boomerangs can fill those balmy summer days with excitement and danger.

A slingshot contest on empty soda bottles is better for you than Chicken McNuggets. Just be careful not to injure any animals.

A boomerang is a fascinating toy. Australians tend to be a bunch of drunken heathens, but they sure got it right there. Itt's better than a Frisbee. More fun that a unicycle.

In the summer, everyone occasionally gets bored. Most of us opt for simple distractions like freecell and Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVD. Our politicians unfortunately have baser needs.

Explain to me again why exactly they're in charge...

Have Bugle Will Travel

Got kids? Sleepy kids you can't wake up in the morning that are always missing the bus or late for school?

Need a way to get them out of bed quickly and efficiently?

We have the answer for you.

Get yourself a rooster. That would probably work. A good cock a doodle do early in the morning will probably solve your problem.

I mean, you could try discipline. Make them go to bed on time. Feed them healthy, well balanced meals. Make sure they get enough exercise. Limit television and internet. But god, that sounds like a lot of work. And you already have too much work to do. Aren't kids supposed to raise themselves?

Some do. Some don't. But parenting them certainly can't be the answer. Who does that anymore?

No. relax. You don't have to be a good parent. You just need a bugle. That's all. Give it a couple of good toots every morning and all your problems will be solved.

Sufferin Succotash... Flyer's Hats!

Be vewy vewy quiet... I'm hunting wabbits. And fwyer hats.

Even if you don't have a severe speech impediment or a jones for a certain cross-dressing, carrot munching, sarcastic rabbit, you can still be just like that dastardly and dubious hunter, Elmer Fudd. Say what you will about good ol' Elmer, but the man was nothing if not persistant.

I don't know whether it's rabbit season or duck season or even if such seasons actually exist, but I do know this hat is awesome. I mean, what could possibly be better than a hat that makes you resemble a dim-witted cartoon hunter who never actually kills anything. A hat that makes you look like a cat eating alien from the planet melmac maybe. But that hat does not yet exist. This one does. So let's just be thankful for small miracles.

Ideal for Robbing Convenience Stores

Times are tough. The news keeps saying the economy is getting better, yet somehow it mysteriously isn't. Go figure... the media is telling us lies. That's never happened before. NOT!

But we do what we have to do to survive in our times. We walk instead of drive. We bicycle. We rob local convenience stores. Maybe even banks. Depending on our level of ambition.

Hey, we were robbed first. And often. All those bailouts for people making six figures, plus million dollar bonuses. And then big corps like GE pay absolutely no taxes. And now gas prices have gone all crazy AGAIN!

With big dilemmas like these, the answers aren't always clear, but in this case, I think they are very obvious. Robbery is the answer. If you are robbed, steal back. It's in the bible... an eye for an eye.

But unlike Chevy and Bank of America your theft is considered illegal by the government. So please disguise yourself first.

Night Vision - Stalk in Style

Ever wanted to stalk someone (Ex-girlfriend. Evil boss. Unwitting soulmate) But were too afraid to do so? Perhaps your delicate features would betray you in prison. Or maybe you have a phobia of tubular metal bars. Whatever the reason you wish not to go to prison for stalking, but still feel compelled to stalk someone, there is a solution to your dilemna.

Night vision optics are perfect for covert surveilance. The dark will provide you cloak, but with night vision your eyes will see as though it were daylight. Binoculars will increase your visual distance. You can be far enough away to remain undetectable to your 'soulmate' and still see her up close and possibly unclothed. Camo clothing rounds out the agenda. Bushes and trees are your allies when stalking potential 'soulmates'. To blend in to them is as simple as throwing on some smokey branch or woodland camo apparel.

If your subject is hyperaware. As they tend to become after too many months of your undying love, you may need to employ the ghillie suit approach. These superior camouflage outfits will conceal you almost entirely. Your 'soulmate' will see only a tree while you intently gaze upon her as she lays across her bed in her booty shorts and scribbles her naughty secrets into her diary,

Stalking in the 21st century is a complicated and potentially dangerous prospect. But Love demands sacrifice and risk. You can keep your stalking love affair burning bright with these simple tools that will make you virtually invisible to the one you love. Because, really, what is love without a little mystery and gunplay.